No, I’m Not Okay

With the closing of the old year and the  beginning of every new for many, including myself it’s a time of analysis and deep reflection. Did I accomplish my goals for the year, both personal and professional, have I become a better human, has the world become a better place? How can I improve? What steps will I take to make the next year more successful? Every year without fail, that’s my train of thought as the year whittles away to its end. 2016 though, has completely caught me by surprise and filled me with disbelief, disgust and fear. After the presidential election I was numb, I cried for two days. I began to see the world through murky coloured glasses because of our country’s decision. For the first time in a very long time, I meet everyday with a knot in my stomach and fear in heart. Uncertainty looms heavily in the air. I wonder how our new president and his administration will affect the livelihood of so many whose lifestyle, culture, religion, skin colour, sexual orientation, gender, economic background and income do not reflect their own. I understand that we are only 16 days in as of me writing this post, but as it stands, we should all be worried.

 

 

Thinking about my own first world problems for a moment, I wonder how the new changes being put into effect by our current administration will affect me personally. As a solopreneur and freelancer, what am I supposed to do about healthcare now? As a woman, what about my reproductive rights? As a West Indian woman, born on American soil with a U.S. passport, can I travel freely into and out of the land of the free and the home of the brave? As a black woman should I quietly fear for my life anytime I’m driving or just existing for that matter and I notice a police officer? What about my family? My black, brown, and other brothers, cousins, friends as well, whose beliefs, culture and religion don’t fit in the current administration’s goal of making America great again? Can we gather normally and peacefully to catch up over old times, have a lunch or even a business meeting without someone telling us we don’t belong here, spewing vitriol at us, feeling that they’re justified in their actions and stand behind their president. To them all they’re doing is there part to see our country go back to its ‘old fashioned values’, you know when strange fruit hung from trees amidst the amber waves of grain.

 

I’m spent. There’s no other way to put it. I’m emotionally despondent and mentally spent. Hence my 2017 blog plan which should’ve started off without a hitch and by now would be rolling into the season of commercial love and chocolate kisses. I had plans y’all! I do still have big plans for the blog this year, tons of recipes and great content to share with all of you. But right now in my current state of mind, I don’t find it appropriate to talk about the making a delicious organic V-day meal for you and bae, I can’t discuss the latest celebrity gossip, liquid lipsticks and other lifestyle fodder. I can’t think about trips to faraway locales or styling seasonal look books because I’m not okay with America and the way things are going right now. As Luvvie says, I am unable to can. And that’s okay. I’m human and deeply sensitive to our current state of affairs, my she-motions are showing and I am not ashamed. I have decided that January was a trial month and that I shall begin again in February. I will do my best to get back on track and share great content with you whilst still making sure to look after myself and I hope you all will do the same. Self care is the best care, it is important and vital to our mind, body and spirit. With that being said I should be returning to regularly scheduled blog posts in the next two weeks. I just had to express what I’ve been feeling the past few months.

How are you coping with the new American order? Let me know what’s bothering you the most and how you’re making sure to take care of yourself. Cousin Evelyn is handing out juice boxes and kind words on her YouTube channel and I’m sending you all internet hugs. See you on the other side.

 

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